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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Your secret weapon in the chick quest

Now that I’ve started to post about the places you can find women, I want to talk about what I believe to be your #1 most helpful dating resource – your female friends. Although I have done you the courtesy of posting a woman’s thoughts about dating in the blogosphere, many of your female friends will have great ideas for you about how to meet women to date. Their advice is also more likely to be tailored to your own personality and needs. In fact, I would adamantly recommend that if you are a man looking to meet a woman, you should hang out with your platonic female friends as often as possible. Why?

First, they are women! They go places that women go and, if they take you with them, you will be around women too. If you are tired of going out with your guy friends and finding yourself knee deep in sausage, you need to follow the women. Again, I started this blog because I remembered being in so many places that clearly drew so many women that I thought men should know about them. If you go to these places, you will increase your chances of meeting women.

A helpful note about women – we generally know what types of events are better suited for our own enjoyment. We even have particular events where we want to bond with the girls and not have to deal with guys. Your female friends are not going to drag you to these events (think Sex and the City night with the girls). If you are invited somewhere by a woman, she is likely doing it because she thinks the experience has something to offer you. GO!

Second, women relate better to women. If you are nervous about starting conversations, they can do a lot of the heavy lifting. If you and your guy friends have the social skills to approach women at events, congratulations! You are above the curve. However, if you don’t have guy friends who are great with women and you are with a more mixed group, your women friends don’t need extraordinary social skills to approach other women. One person (the women will be super skilled at it) talks to another about a neutral topic and first person introduces new acquaintance to their social group. Your most savvy female friends will even know to relate what they are talking about to you and the other people in your group. No pressure, no problem! Speaking of a lack of pressure, your chick friends can do the job of a wingman without providing you with any sexual competition (unless your chick friends are lesbians).

Third, the fact that women actually like you gives you immediate credibility with other women. Bonus if you can score an ex-girlfriend “wing woman.” Being with other women with whom you are clearly not attached says to a new woman that this guy isn’t so creepy or socially inept that women can’t stand to be around him. If you are with someone you used to date, it says that even a failed relationship wasn’t so filled with drama that the two can’t be friends. Non-creepy, socially able, and low-drama are all VERY good qualities in men and you can communicate those qualities to new women simply by hanging out with the right people.

Lastly, just as you want to be useful to your women friends, they want to be helpful for you. Finding guy friends cool women is to women what helping women with car repairs and bug-killing is to men. Beyond the need to be helpful, most women also REALLY love to bring people together. I will bet that if you know any nice women (why would you hang out with people who aren’t nice), and you ask nicely, they will make it their personal goal to introduce you to women. She has a project and you have sexual options – it’s a win-win!

A word of caution about the dating advice you get from well-meaning women friends – sometimes women can fall in to the trap of regurgitating bad Cosmo-grade advice to guy friends. If Oprah spews garbage long enough, eventually people will start believing it! If you want some good advice about some of the typical bad advice that women give to men, check out this (verified helpful) blog post by Liz Leia, a dating coach for men. I just want you to be aware of the difference between the questionable advice that women give and women’s innate ability to know where women go!!

So, immediately after reading this post I want you to contact the coolest women you know. Recruit your friends’ girlfriends, your sister’s friends, and even friendly co-workers. If you don’t have any female friends, try to find friends of friends. If you can’t look at your Facebook page and find ANY women within 2 or 3 degrees of separation, you have effectively had a car crash in front of a hospital emergency room – you’ve got a problem on your hands, but at least you’re in the right place! Keep reading my blog (shameless plug!) and, if you really need some ideas, e-mail me!!

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